Thursday, April 9th, 2009
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7:44 am
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General
Couldn't be happier to know that Im half way through my mids YAY! first two went beautifully. I got to study for my phyisII and Atheletic therapy for monday and tuesday respectively. Got my headset for my black berry so I get to use it again. got to attempt to fix it again anyways. I have to write down what I want in a computer (desktop) I think Im going to end up paying 600 for my super computer :) . then I got to wait for a bit for my screen gotta wait for my bredrin cuba to link me up.
Love
hoping to see someone tonight... if she's got time
Money
trying not to spend anythign got plans going on and I handed in my resume to the housing at school so I can have a day job instead of a night job
*finish school today a 4 then its my weekend for like 24 hours lol
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Monday, April 6th, 2009
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6:23 am
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General
This week has some potential to be a great week. My sibling is coming home to day around 5 i do believe. She's bringing a man that although I havent met him yet I dont like him. Not that they are dating or anything just dont like him. He's a player and stuff. and he hits on my sister. So I shall intimidate him greatly. On Thursday I get to meet someone special to me for the first time in...like 4 months (hopefully). She will be back in brampton for maybe 10 hours. If I do see her it will be for maybe an hour if not 2 at max. But anytime is good time with her. Im scared to meet her honestly. Dunno what to think.
Finicial
I will begin working days and nights again. Seeing how NEED to buy my computer. and is being forced to buy a ticket to jamica. and pay for my school for next year. Sad thing is I think im going to have to work 60 hours a week somewhere to make those payments. we'll.
School
I have 2 midterms this week. one on tuesday and the second on wednesday. both easy
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Friday, April 3rd, 2009
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8:32 am - Where's the posting ma'am llol
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general
My brain is mush!!!!! just finished my lab gonna og toschool soon. Tryna fix my fone right now!! wihc me luck lol
Movies
Watching some weird movie on my satelite about miracle dogs and a divorced family. pretty weird I need some one to call my celll to test if its working lol.
Ill wait till later like around 8, might be calliing a certain someone. *cough cough*
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Wednesday, April 1st, 2009
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6:34 am - Finally the bum muncher posts
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GENERAL
Why is it that all the ugly girls make passes at me? Not like Im wearing a shirt that says " I love hideous woman, Holler at me" But yet I am the perfect wingman for my home boys taking the left overs of the group. Never again but I think Im gonna have to do it again today :(
Sending in the Mobile today cause Im getting frustrated that I can hear anyone Like fuck. glad I got 2 phones.
Sex life
I havent had female contact for a while (a long while for my standards). I havent had ligitament sex where I wasnt stopped after a few minute, in like LONG ASS TIME. Im a bit horny needless to say. There are nights when my arm gets extremely tired and I sexually frustrated so I just go to sleep. its horrible.
Gym Life
Looking good got to work on my chest a little more in the next 15 days or so.
Im out got to go to school
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Monday, March 30th, 2009
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6:13 am
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General
Came to the conclusion that my body and my mind can not go slowly. I get to frustrated.
Education
Got an exam today. I feel okay about. Just hope the equations are put on there. There are a lot of them lol. but we'll see.
Side note
This week weill be my quiet week I think. Reflection and process needs to take place.
MOney
feeling broke
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Saturday, March 28th, 2009
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10:18 pm
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General
Today was a beautiful day. Literally Just beautiful. I woke up at like 3pm (missing my 2pm appointment with my auntie) But it just was just awesome nothing musch to say about other than it was a beautiful.
Off-Note
My aunt, my mom, and my grandmother are going to the extreme with my sister's health. I know she's sick. and my sister will be fine. So the reason why my aunt called me to her house was because she wants me to go to Jamaica for a weekend. Well they want my sister to go to jamaica because they think she will get better because its warm (wtf). The only way she will go if I me and or my cousin go. She doesn't want to go. I know that. But I said yes just so they can stop bugging me. Dont have the money to go dont know where its going to come from. Cause I got to pay for school. and no one is going to help me. (they might say they will but they always say that I believe them).
Sex life
non existence
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Friday, March 27th, 2009
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10:13 am - I was forced to write this. lol you happy now!?!?!?!?!
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General
So I have came to the conclusion that I dont have that it factor for writing... maybe I shouldn't say that but I've lost the flame to just write poems. They dont interest me much anymore. Ive gotten to the point where I can find 2 lines in my head that I might like and thats as far as it goes. This could be due to me shutting off that portion of my brain for like i unno a LONG TIME!!! we'll see in a few weeks how i feel about that
SCHOOL
School seems to be beautiful. Im understanding everything being taught. Although everything coming fast like the speed of a man cumming. It sticks! (Dane Cook... "its sticky here," " I just came" lol). I got a calc test back recently and I was happy but sad. got 88% (i studied for that bad boy) but I missed out on 7 marks (which would have given me 102%) cause I didnt read the question properly. I got 100% on my athletic thearpy quiz as well. so Im flowing nicely. Just need to do my midterm for Biomech on monday and I'll feel good. but school all consumign and good.
SideNote
Nature needs to make its mind on the weather. I ended up wearing a F*ckin sweater today cause it was cold at 7:30 and then after my first class 9:30 its hot as a older woman getting her flashes.
Family
My mother went to Isreal to pray for the souls (i know wtf) but I'm scared for her. I told her to call me when she got ther she didnt. She sent a ill informed email. SO Im mad. Im waiting for her to come home so I can ignore her. Im also waiting for her call so I can ignore it and be like fuck dat.
My sis is doing well although she skips on her streches some days cause it hurts to do them. I wish that the stupid diesease that she ended up having was transfered to me. I can deal with that easily. Pain is nothing for me.
Werid note
My aunt calle dthis morning (no thats not weird) but she said she needs to see me and my cousin tmw so I got to roll out of bed and head over there to see her. Dunno what i did (Ive been trying to figure it out lol).
Basketball Note
I'm feeling good. Shooting is coming around but Ive got my aggressiveness back.
Aches and Pains
lower back is killing me. right knee and left ankle bug me off and on.
dats cool for now
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Wednesday, February 4th, 2009
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6:04 am - Death of a Wordsman Chronicles (12) asking for forgiveness
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I am stupid
I have forggoten the basic rules
2 days ago I called some one dear to me and without knowing it at the time I talked at them and not with them or to them. And I apologize greatly to that person. There are no excuses what so ever. Im just hoping that person can forgive me and allow us to continue.
Always in love with you
loving you always
signed the idiot
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Thursday, January 29th, 2009
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7:45 am - Death of a Wordsman Chronicles (11) THE dream
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A re-occuring dream
I finally thought of what to write today
Sort of wanted to keep it to my selff
something i wanted to always keep to my self
I have a re occurign dream that I have at least once a week
its about a woman she's 19 (but I call her 12)
beautiful full of personality and comfy to hold. she keeps my safe
she and I just lay together
thats it my dream
the one I love so much
it doesnt matter where just we are laying together
in a field
my bed
her bed
in snow
in a car
on a plane
just together
no words are spoken
she sleeps and I hold
she holds on to me
I breathe her in
just perfect
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Tuesday, January 27th, 2009
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3:09 pm - Death of a Wordsman Chronicles (10) ambitions
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Still looking for a car and its bothering me
I have determined that I must not buy anythign for the next month and a half
by the friday before my birthday must have my car and the saturday have it insured (or at least with a 10 day)
It always seems like anything I work for moves futher aaway as I work harder for it
Dont know what to do.
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Monday, January 26th, 2009
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10:49 pm - Death of a Wordsman Chronicles (9)
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Never loosing her I need her
she is my goal
she is my will power
a power of will
willing me on to get better
I love you I hope you keep pushing me
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Saturday, January 24th, 2009
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6:27 pm - Death of a Wordsman Chronicles (8) after the feelings
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shock
so i joked
confused
so I went silence
Anger
so went to mother
saddened
so I cried to my love
felt contempt
so I faked a smile
now that I have no feelings
I dont know where to go but up
before the contempt
before the saddness
begore the anger
before the confusion
before the shock
there was... joy
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Wednesday, January 14th, 2009
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10:06 am - Death of a Wordsman Chronicles (7) Loud Music
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Drown by the beats
hitting the skull pennatraing through everything
Numb Feeling nothing.
Eyes closed looking for the soundwaves
lil ripples. They change colours pink red black white
deeing sounds feels natural
til a I feel a poke
Its even more natrual.
Thats real just herpoke
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Friday, January 9th, 2009
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11:06 pm - Death of a Wordsman Chronicles (6) Recap
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When feeling lost how does one feel found again?
Contrary to popular belief No one can find them selves.
No one can be lost. But everyone does.
Not knowing if the "path" you are on is the "path" you should be on.
Good work out week
Satisfactory ball week
happy end of the week
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Monday, January 5th, 2009
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9:45 pm - Death of a Wordsman Chronicles (5) The enemies
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1)Scleroderma is a chronic autoimmune disease characterized by a hardening[1] or sclerosis[2] in the skin or other organs. The localized type of the disease, known as "morphea",[3] while disabling, tends not to be fatal. The systemic type or systemic sclerosis, the generalized type of the disease, can be fatal, as a result of heart, kidney, lung or intestinal damage.[4] It is currently not fully understood what exactly causes this disease, although there are various theories.
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Saturday, January 3rd, 2009
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6:33 pm - Death of a Wordsman Chronicles (4) Walking Sideways
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Forgetting is like walking sideways
Its fun to walk backwards Its the element of surprise
Its being able to see what you are leaving behnd
...until its too far, just dots
then again its reasonable to walk forward
seeing where you are going identifies your goals
The problem with this is some people are walking forward chasing while others are walkign backward waiting
Never seeming to meet
others chase while the one they are chasing never look back
walking is confusing
ITS WAY TO COMPLICATED
(can't forget the walls, ditches, boulders, devine mircles)
what can be done
just standing in place?
seems like quick sanding is the greatest option
"I miss her" he said
"I know"
"what should I do"
"..."
"I know this is my problem"
"maybe not a problem"
"..."
"missing her isn't the problem"
"..."
"its letting her go"
"I don't want to let her go"
"that's the problem"
"I dont understand"
"..."
"..."
Ever closed your eyes and walk sideways, foreward, backwards?
if you imagine going the same place each time they all seem the same
Life is never like that, imagining where your going never really helps. MIght be too young
Need more time
everyone does
time isnt like chances
No one needs more chances
they want more
Every one wants more time but never needs more
Trust takes forever years to gain and a blink of an eye to loose
current music: listening to past conversions in my head
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Thursday, January 1st, 2009
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7:59 pm - Death of a Wordsman Chronicles (3) Can the Mind expand too Much?
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Expand the mind they say.
Read. Read and expand the mind they say.
Seems like the more that is read the more the mind shrinks.
pinpointing the wrongs
excludign the rights
what is right seems never to be wrong
expanding the mind is harder than one thinks
re-reading what was read many times caused the mind to shrink
thinking use to be easy
Done with the heart
Once the brain is introduced the mind the heart is excluded
knowledge shrinks
the mind shrinks
not enough space for thinking
to be thought of
to think of
just more and more reasoning
you do this for that to happen
that happens so you get this
all reasoning
needing to stop
stop the shrinkage
needing the heart to grow
the more it shrink the less I am
read they say
Expierence I say
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11:04 am - Death of a Wordsman Chronicles (2) Coping
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Dec 31st
Words by mouth seem to forgotten.
NO, words by lips seem never to be taken serious.
Seriousness is measure by how many words were written on blank pages.
pages which seem to be the only binding two clients.
Jan 1st
callling wasnt the difficult park
Knowing what to say
not knowing how to stop what wanted to be said
I love you
so true but as I said it I knew I shouldnt have
....
But I did it felt so right
I saw her
feelings I try to hide raced back
wah seemed like a mini anxiety attack
I held her and closed my eyes
for the 30 seconds she held me It was beautiful
I pictured her eyes staring into mine
I pictured standing with her in my house just hugging
I wish I did that longer
30 seconds of her trying to let go
she giggle timidly
I should have let go
need to savour it
this
us
Packed into a bag
now not in her domain
In a bag
no more do I remain
a bag
no more there than here
bag
plastic suffering wanting care
a bag
in a bag
packed into a bag
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Tuesday, December 30th, 2008
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2:20 pm - Death of a Wordsman Chronicles (1) THe ending of the end
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The end was near, it past a moment ago.
Creativity drained, perservence lost, and the little voice choke out by a word.
This single word, never really said, was implied many times.
Times that had given new life by another, opposite, word.
But there were motions shown, discrete but I tentitivly picked them up.
Knowing the end was there, fighting the odds is done best.
Sometimes there are defeats and others imply victories.
The most unfortunate situation occur, a defeat.
Not by the hands of the enemies. Oh no cold fingertips would welcomed by them. For they have no memory of the Wordsman, norecolection of the soul which give the wordsman strength. No. Not the enemie. But a dream.
A dream which capture the Wordsman nightly. A dream which crept in so silently during the day that the sun's rays were louder than the dreams footsteps.
No hands just a word. 2 syllables.
Killed the Wordsman.
Here he lies. There his remains stands.
His tongue in hand. Drippin slowly his words to the ground.
The dead and the not so living.
What should they do?
current music: What was silence.
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Tuesday, September 16th, 2008
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5:53 am
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I alwasy wonder why when Im at my computer I feel better? Like i unno how to explain just feel not tired and not a lone. i know the connection to the web is a big deal but I dont think its that. it could be the lil purple elephant stuck to my labtop everytime I look at it I remember who put it there and it makes me smile. So I thank that person
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